My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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