You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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