a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
