I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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