My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
