everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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