my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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