maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
