A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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