No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
