We named our party play list daddy issues
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
