How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
