The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
