Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
