A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
