Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
