Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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