I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
