The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is classic penis vs brain.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
