I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
