Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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