I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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