If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
