i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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