smell my finger.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
