Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
where am i from again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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