So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
