I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
