the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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