I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
