She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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