Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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