she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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