Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize