Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
