Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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