Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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