I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you will always have a special place in my vag
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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