Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize