Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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