Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
