wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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