I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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