just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
