I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
