I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize