I think my vagina is haunted
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
