I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
