Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
too bad you live with your parents still
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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