Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
whose parrot is this?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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