please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
