girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
