No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
