My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
