I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
