Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize