I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
