Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
