Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize