I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
