Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
