i think my mom watched the whole time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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