All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
