I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
