My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
