stop calling my apartment porn island.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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