the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
COCAINE IS GR8
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
