i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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