I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
