plz talk dirty to me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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