Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
