Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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