You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
