I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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