shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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