just come out here and I will go home with you...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize