I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize