R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
