Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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