so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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