I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
