Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
