He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
God, I missed his penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
