no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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