I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
