how can u be prego again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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