I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
