I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
