I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
