Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize